I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
