I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
