my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
