i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
