There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
well you can't waste a boner
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh god it's open bar.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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