At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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