my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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