Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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