Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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