he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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