i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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