Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
