Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
