is your mom at the bar?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
