Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
