You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize