He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
