I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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