Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
