And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
