how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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