put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
