OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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