There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm at about main and main street
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
