I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
