you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
