Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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