The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
