I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wow bdsm is so cute
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