Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
