Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
are you so shy because you have an std?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
