Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You made out with two different species that night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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