OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she told me i tasted like america
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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