I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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