Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Randomize
