At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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