He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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