I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
