Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
