apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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