i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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