Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
