When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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