just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I want to be your penis for a week.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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