So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my shit smells like andre
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
