Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
