Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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