You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Less talking, more tequila
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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