ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
