She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
