Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
