So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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