It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
