is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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