I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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