a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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