I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
These tits shall not be calmed
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
