Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
