The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
