We need to rekindle our bromance
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
