do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
