First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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