You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
