someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sarcasm needs its own font
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The air taste purple.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize