turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
porn star boner night. come get it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
