11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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