Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize