You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
