They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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