You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
