I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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