Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
