WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
