just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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