Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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