Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
